Hey friend! I'm Liz
“Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.”
A couple of years ago, for a few months, we lived in a second-floor apartment. We had a 2-year-old son and I was pregnant with our second child. One of my great friends lived in the downstairs apartment underneath us with her husband and newborn son, and in the flat in the corner of the back yard, which was detached from the house, lived a stranger. A man we shall call Craig (not his real name. And we called Creepy Craig. Sorry “Craig's” everywhere.)
None of us knew Craig. He was elusive. He would appear it would seem, out of thin air. He would awkwardly rant at us over the strangest things, and would disappear at all hours of the day and night. I have quite an imagination, and it didn’t take my friend and I long to dream up all kinds of scenarios as to who this guy was, what he was into, and his potential to be a threat to our little suburban kingdom. (please excuse our judgemental nature… but come on, you would have done the same *wink*).
Our little upstairs apartment had a back door that opened onto a huge deck, which had a staircase leading down into the back yard.
It was great, but also made it accessible to our stranger. And that back door? It did not have a working lock. It hardly closed at all. In the dark hours of night, when every creak in the house is a burglar, a murderer, or a monster of immense size and strength, I would imagine Craig creeping (creepy) through the unlockable door to wreak havoc in our life.
“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”
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So, as any reasonable person would (yep), I would set up little obstacle courses just inside the back door; things that would make a raucous if knocked over, things that would trip up a grown man, things to try and warn us of a volatile entry.
We did not trust Craig. Not one bit. And that lack of trust sent us a little (not much) crazy.
It’s hard to tell who we can trust and what should be trusted with whom, and if we, ourselves, are trustworthy. Something even more weird is somehow within our culture it’s become OK to spend intimate moments with complete strangers. Exchanging words, stories, moments, embraces with people we will never see again. Things reserved for more sacred moments. And then, we withhold our trust from those we do life with, day in and day out. We don’t tell them our secrets, we withhold our vulnerability, we wall up. We place obstacle courses around out hearts to warn us in case they start to get too close.
It can seem easier to trust a stranger with our sacred stories and selves because once they’re gone, they’re gone. Never to be seen again. We don’t have to face that moment of vulnerability with them day after day. That's one way Social Media is a poor substitute for blood and breath lives. You can share vulnerability with someone over the interwebs, invite them into the home of your heart and mind for a moment, but once the exchange is complete, you don’t have to face them. This is part of what gives Cyber Bullies their confidence. But it is misplaced, and a sign of weakness rather than strength.
Trusting people that you see every day, that you live with, that you share blood with? That's risky. That takes strength and courage. That is a trust that can only be earned by living. And it's the only trust worth taking a risk on. It's the same with God. It’s only done as we go. It's not instant, it's learned. Trust the ‘trust process.'
The road to trust is vulnerability. It’s opening the door to your life and letting people in. (Little by little, day by day). Taking a risk on what they’ll think and feel and do once they’re inside.
Brené Brown says,
“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”
Over to you. What do you think of when you hear the word trust? Leave us a comment below.
Written by Liz Milani
Thank you so much for these precious words. I can feel the Holy Spirit through your words. Thank you. Amen.
Hey Denise… we're so thankful for your encouragement! So glad that this one was meaningful to you…
Much love and God bless…
Jesse