We need to care less about whether our kids are academically gifted and more about whether they sit with the lonely kid in the playground. – Author Unknown
THE LONELY KID
We’re often asked to write about parenting. So, here I am, writing about it.
Look, parenting is hard. It was hard when I was a kid (being parented), and it’s hard as a parent (doing the parenting). No one ever does what they’re told. Not all the time. Obedience is a fairy tale (a fairy tale for parents, a nightmare for kids… what kid likes brussel sprouts?). My kids are only five and eight. I’m not going to pretend that I know anything about raising little humans well. I’m doing my best. It’s hard work. There’s grace for the journey, right? I’ve even tried throwing that scripture “Children obey your parents in the Lord,” at them (yep). Let me tell you that the point has yet to find its mark.
We’re very careful about giving parenting advice. And I encourage you to be careful who you get your advice from. If they don’t have grown kids (or at least, almost grown)… Listen to them – they'll have solidarity for you – but find someone who has been down that road, who has the wisdom of experience. Who has the battle scars to prove that they had a pre-tween and survived? A teenager and survived!! Ha! Someone who is still totally in love with their kids without negating the pilgrimage parenting can be.
All I can give on parenting are our observations thus far. Things that have worked, some that haven’t, and a few where the jury is still out. As my kids are both in school now, a huge focus for us is balancing achievement with character. The school system can be so focused on academic results and awarding academic prowess. And that’s fine. It’s a school. I get it (and my kids go to an excellent school that we just love!). But we like to balance that out by focusing on WHO the kids want to BE, not just WHAT they want to DO.
We need to care less about whether our kids are academically gifted and more about whether they sit with the lonely kid in the playground. It’s our kid's ability to be empathetic and caring and tenacious that’s going to take our planet from where it is now to where it should be. And look. At some point in their lives, my kids might actually BE the lonely one in the playground. I want them to be able to hold their head high and live without shame regardless of their academic or popularity scores. Connection and character before achievement and academia. Help them grow “fruit of the spirit” type stuff, not just grades. Then, with their kindness and their brains, they can get to work on the mess we’ve left them. (That was a positive end, right?).
Parenting is hard. But then, you can do hard things. And it's the hard things that almost always turn out to be the most wonderful.
Like sitting with a lonely kid in a playground.
Written by Lizzy Milani
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I’ve seen so much pressure put on kids to not only perform academically but also socially and in athletics. The question to ask is it for your kids to fully explore who they are meant to be, or is it about the parents having bragging rights at the local club? I’d rather see my kids (ages 16, 18 and 31) be true to themselves and not live with the “shadow monster” of constantly looking over their shoulders for approval from a family group that was more obsessed with social status than true individual “success,” and by success becoming much more than just a nice house, cars, memberships and all that “stuff.”
“Bragging rights at a local club” – aaahhhh so good Jim. Substance is more important than appearance!