“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”
“What To Expect When You're Expecting” was a book given to me when I was pregnant with my first kid, Sam, that only made me more confused and anxious than I already was.
But it’s the phrase I can’t stop thinking about when considering faith, hope, expectation and the gifts therein.
What do you expect when you’re expecting something?
When I was little, I expected to walk on water. I prayed, I believed, I expected, and I sank (come on, I bet some of you tried it, too).
When I was a teenager, I expected the bullies at school to leave me alone. I prayed, I believed, I expected, and the bullying continued.
When I was in my early twenties, my friend was diagnosed with brain cancer. I prayed, I believed, I expected, and still, he died.
When I was in my late twenties, my family suffered a tragedy. I prayed, I believed, I expected, and still, it unraveled in the most painful way.
Yet, in all my unmet expectations, something truly miraculous happened in my heart. I’ve never been able to walk on water, but I believe that God has sanctioned us all with the responsibility to make sure that everyone has clean water to drink. For some, this would be a complete miracle.
“Expectation takes us down worthy pathways where we discover things that we would never have otherwise.”
Powerful, two minute reads that have helped change the script in thousands of people's lives.
I was bullied and sexually harassed all through my high school years. It never stopped. As my identity was being tested, I discovered that I was more than what people said of me and that I was not purely a sexual object to be toyed with. Powerful and miraculous revelations for a teenage woman (and man).
My friend died of cancer, and it was heartbreaking and unfair. And it was the first time I allowed myself to question the divinity of God… Did he make my friend die? And the questions led to beautiful ongoing revelations about life and purpose and randomness and (strangely) hope and to be present in each moment.
The family of my childhood, and our shared vocation as Pastors is a distant memory. Life looks so much different than it did back then, and I am nowhere near where I expected to be in my thirties. But then again, maybe I am. I am doing what I love with the people I love. And the heartache and pain of the season have taught me about authenticity, the prison of performance driven living, and I'm finally permitting myself to be me.
Rarely, do our expectations come to pass. The good and the bad. But expectation takes us down worthy pathways where we discover things that we would never have otherwise.
“Seek and you will find,” Jesus said (Matt 7:7). And miraculously, beautifully, thankfully, we rarely find what we think we will.
We find something else entirely.
If we seek it all the way through with hope and faith – an open heart, mind, and spirit about what God is doing in us rather than for us – it almost always is a welcomed discovery.
I’m not trying to be flip with our heartaches and tragedies, but remember what the Jewish word for hope means (from Part 2)?
“Tiqvah,” (hope) means to expect and wait for a particular outcome. Tiqvah (pronounced tik-vaw), is made up of the characters Tav, Qoph, Vav, Ha. Their definitions are:
Tav: the total sum of truth and perfection.
Qoph: holiness and growth cycle.
Vav: to add completion and redemption.
Ha: to reveal life and light, through the breath inside of you.
So while you’re expecting certain things and outcomes; when you expect God to be present with you come what may, ‘tiqvah’ can’t help but happen.
You can expect that.
Seek and you will find.
Written by Liz Milani
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