Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for? Matt 16:26 MSG
Want to be Wanted – Normal Series – Part 1
Have you ever looked at someone famous, or someone who is at the top of their field, someone who you really respect, and completely admire, and an ache opens up in your stomach? Or an unscratchable itch consumes your mind?
Like when you and a friend enter into the same competition, and you both do really well. It comes down to the two of you, and your friend, not you, wins. You’re happy for your friend but disappointed that you didn’t achieve what you wanted.
There are a lot of people – writers, preachers, speakers, activist, artists – that I love and admire; who inspire and teach me, who I look up to and respect. Yet, looking at some of these people creates an emptiness in me. Sometimes I think that their fame, and my lack of it, shows the difference between their success and my pretty average performance. (I can’t be the only one, right?). I think we often view fame and, to a degree, fortune as a “success indicator.” It’s what happens when you reach the top, have a great idea, change the world…
I used to be afraid of being normal. I wanted to stand out. To a degree, I wanted fame. I wanted to be known for something. I thought it would make me feel significant, I thought it would make me feel fulfilled. I thought it would make me fearless.
I used to dream of being an influential writer or a prominent preacher; doing good in the world and being acknowledged by my peers and audience. I wanted to be extraordinary.
Now, in my thirties, I’ve got no quotes on good reads. No one is posting my “Preaching Pic” on Instagram using the hashtag #neverthesameagain. No one is reading my books (I have none), I don’t live in a grand house, I drive an old car, I go to work every day, I clean up after my kids… we’re just normal people, my family and I.
(I just yelled at my kids for trying to use my sharpie collection to change the colour of the carpet in my Mother's front lounge room.)
Normal.
When I realised that I was incredibly normal, I was deeply disappointed. I wanted more than that. I wanted more than ordinary. I wanted more than dull, pale colour; I wanted to live vibrantly and radiantly. For a time after that, I felt trapped in greyness with no way out – my lot in life was normalcy and I was devastated.
About this time, I picked up a book called “Anonymous” by Alicia Britt Chole. One of my favourite, and most challenging, quotes from the book is,
“By definition, hidden years are uncelebrated years. These are the seasons when we feel underestimated, unappreciated, or even invisible. In other words, no one is clapping. In that silence, unsupported by rounds of applause, hidden years provide the opportunity for us to wrestle with what truly makes us significant. In the absence of others volunteering to explain why we are so valuable, we have to answer that question for ourselves.”
Jesus said to his disciples, “Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” (Matt 16:26 MSG).
Is there anything more valuable than your own soul?
And it wasn’t until I realised how normal I was that I began to be able to answer this question for myself.
Go to Part 2 – Significance dwells not in your success »
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