The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter. Psalm 30:5 (MSG)

Give Way to Days of Laughter – Finding Joy Series – Part 4

Go to PART 1  |  PART 2  |  PART 3  |  PART 4  |  PART 5  |  PART 6  |  PART 7

It’s no hidden fact that it's often the most tragic seasons of life that teach us the most about who we are and why we are here. You’ll hear “lean into the pain” almost daily in our house. Pain has long been my teacher.

On a recent episode of the Onbeing Podcast, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg opened up about the sudden death of her husband Dave, and her book written with Adam Grant, Option B. During the interview, she said (shortened):

“Can you grow from trauma? You absolutely can. Now, it doesn’t mean you’d take the growth. I’d much rather have Dave and give back all the growth. But since that’s not an option, we grow… We grow by finding more gratitude.”

Trauma leads to growth. Pain can be our greatest teacher because in the moment of pain, in the grip of trauma, we have nowhere else to go. We can grow through it, or stay shrunken in our grief.

Sheryl went on to say:

“Can you have pre-traumatic growth? I absolutely think you can. I would give anything to go back and live with Dave with the sense of gratitude I have for every day that I have now. Anything. What would I have done if I had known we only had eleven years? What would I have done on that last day when we went on a hike, and he walked with the guys, and I walked with the girls? If I could go back and share with him the gratitude I feel now, that would be incredible, but I can’t. But what I can do is try to live my life going forward with that gratitude and other people who haven’t experienced trauma can get that gratitude now.” (1).

We wait until the moment of pain to learn the lesson, but I think that on a level beneath the material, the lesson was always there, waiting to be learned. It’s this fact in of itself where post-traumatic pain abounds. People who have experienced tragedy often speak of how they’ve learned to be grateful in the wake of their experience. It's taught them to make each moment, and each day, count. To be truly, bone deep, grateful.

Pain is a thorough professor.

As Sheryl said in her interview, everyone wishes they could have learned their lessons without the pain. And you can. Joy can teach us.

What if we leaned into joy as well as pain; gave it the credence as a teacher and a guide; followed it all the way home, hugged it until our arms fell off; laughed with it until our voice wore away.

What if we paid attention to the light like we do the dark?

We shy away from joy maybe because we are afraid it will lead us to sin, or to whimsy, or to wasting time. But is anything that is done joyfully, a waste? And if joy is ultimate presence and connection with God and others, can it lead to sin? Is joy not holy? The psalmist wrote that “The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.” (30:5 MSG). Night and day – they are both sacred.

Kierkegaard once said: “It takes moral courage to grieve. It takes religious courage to rejoice.” (2).

Pain is inevitable. We will all experience tragedy and loss. But the real tragedy in life belongs to those who never abandon themselves to joy and all of her powerful lessons.

Go to Part 5 – Practice It Together »

Written by Lizzy

1. OnBeing Podcast hosted by Krista Tippett. Resilience after unimaginable loss with Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. April 24, 2017.
2. Søren Kierkegaard, The Essential Kierkegaard, 2179.

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