In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you. Matthew 7:12 (NIV)
Relationship Series – Part 1
Go to PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8
By far, one of the topics we’re asked to write about more than any other is:
Relationships.
Marriage, parenting, friendship, dating, love, loss, disagreement, siblings, crazy family members, how to love again, faithfulness, broken trust: all of these things, and so so so much more are held with the realm of relationship.
And relationship is EVERYTHING. Right?
We’re not psychologists, theologians, or councilors. We’ve been married for twelve years, and we have two kids – six and four. We have incredible friends and awesome/messy extended families. We’ve stuffed up and made crazy-huge mistakes. We’ve got baggage, and we’ve left behind trails of chaos. We've got beautiful memories and some “trial and error” successes. I don’t think we are at all qualified to give relationship advice, or to tell people that the best way to live with other people is *insert-perfect-answer*
For us, we’ve found the “success” (however you measure that) of relationships to be in the trial and error; in the living. There are no “five steps to the perfect friendship,” or “seven keys to a loving marriage,” or “three things you must do to raise healthy kids.” There are no shortcuts, secrets or sure-fire ways to ensure that every relationship we pursue and enter into will be fruitful, fun and freeing.
However, just like you, we have loved and lost, loved and won, and everything in between. We’ve got heaps to learn. But, we do have a few encouragements and observations about the things we’ve experienced thus far.
The first thing being this: all relationships are unique. How you approach one will be different to how you approach another. We’re all irregular: we have different passions, triggers, hurts, joys, loves, memories more. And different mixes of these things, too. On the Liturgist's Album, “Garden,” Rob Bell said: “You are this odd blend of soul and spirit, dust, and bone. You have hair and eyelids, and toes and elbows and knees and opinions and you make assumptions, and you have expectations. You are this potluck of emotions and feelings and physicality. You are part mountain and part ocean and then part spirit. You are a fascinating, endless mystery.”
You, and everyone else on the planet.
When we start to see others as we see ourselves – unique, set apart, special, a cocktail of nature and nurture – we open the door to community. If there ever were a key to relationships or a golden rule, I would dare say that empathy and vulnerability would be a huge part of it. To be able to see your neighbor in the same light as you want to be seen is the beginning of all kinds of possibilities.
Growing up, I was in a Christian version of scouts called, “Royal Rangers” (any friends out there?). We had creeds and codes and anthems… And at every rally, gathering and camp, we always stood in line, at attention, and quoted the Golden Rule: “In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you.”
That line can also be found in Matthew's memoir of the life of Jesus. (Matt 7:12).
Over the next few days, we’ll post thoughts, suggestions, stories, lessons and ideas about different kinds of relationships. Like we said, we’re not experts, but we want to learn and grow and share what we have. To comment, or add your own stories and thoughts to this discussion email us.
Over to you… How do you view the complexity of relationship? Leave us your comments below.
Go to Part 2 – True Friend »
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