“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brené Brown.
Photos and Fears
Late Sunday afternoon, our great friend and genius photographer Sam Vincent (@dderwent) took some incredible shots of Jesse and I. Sam captures AMAZING moments – check out his Instagram feed! He doesn’t take pictures, he captures heart and magic and wonder. He’s a part of White Lane Studio and they travel all over the world, photographing weddings, events, moments… I couldn’t recommend them enough!
When Jesse told me that Sam was coming to take our photo, I had a panic attack! I’ve been putting these photos off for 6 months! And while body image has played a small part of it, the source of my fear was much deeper. In 2008, through a series of events, I was diagnosed with depression and clinical burn out. My world slowly crumbled… I couldn’t handle stress or solve problems like I used to, I had an early miscarriage, my parents marriage horrifically ended, and with that everything changed – they were my employers and our Senior Pastors. And while many incredible and miraculous moments happened around me – the births of my children, the love of my friends, and more – I just wasn’t recovering. Stress, failure, work, pressure… I would look in the mirror and see a hollow shell of the woman I used to be. I saw a stranger I knew intimately, and I hated it. My worthiness had been crushed.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve made some big changes in my life to rectify this. And you guys have played a major part in that – the discipline of writing, putting myself ‘out there,’ facing ridicule, but also being strengthened by the love and support of many of you, have been so important to me. THANK YOU. I’ve been learning to fall back in love with myself, God and life.
The kind of change hate births, grows with dislocation and pain… and only inflicts more pain. But change birthed of love? Well, thats a rebirth, that's resurrection. It grows with grace and faith into something transcendent and eternal.
When I looked at Sams photos, I was relieved to find that I liked what I saw. I saw a woman who knows how to overcome and has discovered deep joy. I've wrestled with God and found love in the tension. It was more than a couple of photos on a beach, for me it was a triumph.
Lizzy xo
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Awesome Lizzi
Thank you so much, both of you, for ‘putting yourselves out there’ for God’s glory and to bless and encourage His children!!! You are a huge blessing in my life and many others. God is using your transparency and empty places and filling them with Himself: His love, His wisdom, His grace! Look forward to what you share every day!
Hey Denise. Thank you so much for your kind and generous comment! Was such a blessing!! I’m so glad we encourage you! Its humbling and beautiful how this all works… ha! We absolutely believe in and value vulnerability. We’ve been reading a LOT of Brene Brown’s work and it has been so healing and good for our souls.
Thanks again Denise for contacting us! It was so nice to hear from you. Love and Blessings. Lizzy xo
Hey Jan! Thanks so much, your comment blessed us heaps! Hope you’re doing well lovely. xoxo
I looked at Sam’s photo and saw the face of the beautiful woman whose inspired writing eased me out of my own depression. Because she pushed herself “out there”, the light of God’s mercy and grace revealed itself to me and helped me dream again! Thanks Lizzy. You have empowered us through your vulnerability and taught me not to quit though my personal storms raged.
Hi Ginger – WOW – thank you so much for your generous and kind comment… Its only through the vulnerability of others that I have the courage to do the same! Let’s keep dreaming hey! More storms will come, but we can get through them. Thank you thank you for your comment, blessed me heaps. Lots of love and light to you Ginger xo
Hi Lizzy! Truth be told, I’m not one to type in message boards or post comments. I’m too shy to do so. But I can’t pass up the opportunity to let you know how deeply you’ve touched my heart. My prayer journal is filled with quotes from your reflections because every word seems to capture God’s voice. In a sense, you’ve literally dried my tears and brought back strength so I can fight my battles with courage. Keep writing with the passion you have. You and Jesse are winning souls for the Lord!
Thank you so much for sharing such intimate thoughts with us. I’ve just started following pktfuel and find your writing to be thought provoking & substantial. I am amazed by God’s faithfulness even when I feel quite faithless! God bless you…
haha – He’s good like that hey, Faithful even when we struggle to be. Thanks so much Karen for your kind comments… we are so humbled and thankful that you enjoy Pocketfuel! Lots of love and light to you lovely! xo
This is so beautiful, praise God for how he meets us in our brokenness and brings beauty from it. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly x
LISS!! Thanks so much for your comment – YOU are amazing! Beauty in the broken hey… everyday, all day. Lots of love babe! xo
You had me at Brené Brown. I can identity so much with what you are saying and im glad that you see “yourself” shining out your eyes again. She was always there xx