But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15 (NIV)
Me and My House – Relationship Series – Part 5
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This verse was the vocal flag of nearly every family in my church growing up. We would cheer after it was quoted from the platform. We would loudly declare it whenever we were faced with calamity and trial. We would pray it over family members who had seemingly strayed from the truth. It was displayed in homes by the front door: an insignia of belief and faith that was to be upheld at all times by everyone.
As for me and my house.
Me and mine.
Family.
Is there a more complicated relationship than family? Some of us have that typical awkward uncle or deranged aunty, or depressed brother, or narcissistic father, or neurotic mother, or black sheep sibling… (or perhaps, are one ourselves… haha!) every family member can feel distant and un-belonging from those they share blood with. Or on the contrary, as though they are in the very centre of the universe when sitting with brothers and sisters and family members eating roast lamb and sipping red wine. Or a crazy mix of both.
I wish family were as easy as a declaration. As constant as a banner or print hanging by the door. But, it's not. If we were to ask each other what our families were like, and if we were honest, we would uncover complexities, joys, pains, shame, disbelief, wonders, miracles, heartaches… Family is like a concentrated concoction of nearly every emotion you can ever feel.
I’m a wife and a mother. I’m also a sister and daughter. I hope to be an aunty (COME ON brothers… haha!) and someday, a Nona (Italian for ‘Grandmother'). I’m drenched in family. So are you.
Maybe your family is full of joy and laughter. Or perhaps it's torn and full of pain and suffering, neglect and abuse. Was your mother kind or angry? Your father present and peaceful or volatile and distant? Do you have siblings? What are they like?
Do skeletons live in your home (not just your closet), do secrets have the run of the house? Or is home a place of empathy and rest, where shame is buried, and hearts are mended? What happens in the walls of your home and heart? And try as we may, we cannot separate ourselves completely from our birthplace (of blood and geography) or entwine ourselves eternally with those that raised and nurtured us.
Frederick Buechner said: “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”
Instead of using Joshua’s words as a declaration over my family – immediate, distant, good, bad, happy, sad and everything in between – I’m starting to see them more as a way of approach.
No matter how loudly I shout them, or how large the picture of these words are on my wall, I cannot MAKE my family (or anyone else) do anything. I cannot insist that they “serve the Lord.” But I can insist upon myself that I serve them. And that I serve them as best I can with what I have in the situation and circumstance I’m in with them.
I can choose.
Joshua said: “And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (24:15).
When it comes to family, no matter how hard or easy or wonderful or heartbreaking it is, you CAN choose who to serve:
Unforgiveness or forgiveness
Hate or love
Anger or peace
Greed or thankfulness
Fear or love
Guilt or humility
Silence or conversation
And you can imagine a list of these dichotomies as long as the east is from the west.
As for me and my house? My family? A whole world lives within me – their blood, their words, their actions, their lives. And I choose to serve them. It’s a daily choice, a moment by moment one. Sometimes I choose well, and other times not so much… But the beautiful thing is, I get to choose again and again and again…
We'd love to hear from you… What is family like for you? Leave us your comments below.
Go to Part 6 – Conflict Resolution »
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