Learn about heaven’s kingdom realm with the wide-eyed wonder of a child. Matthew 8:4 (TPT)

Kids and Parenting – Relationship Series – Part 4

Go to PART 1  |  PART 2  |  PART 3  |  PART 4  |  PART 5  |  PART 6  |  PART 7  |  PART 8

If I felt unqualified to talk about the ‘ins and outs' of being in love (yesterday), I can't say a single thing about parenting. My kids are six and four. I have a lot of life to live before I can speak on the matter in an advisory capacity, and I’m too keenly aware of my failures and hypocrisy to offer up too much on the subject.

However, a few observations so far:

Thought 1: Being a parent is a boiling pot of emotions, expectations, and experiences. Right from the beginning, the actual “becoming a parent” bit can be full of heartache and worry and fear and pain. It took us a couple of years and a little heartache to fall pregnant with our first kid. I have friends who’ve been through more. And some who can go through no more. It’s just too painful. I don’t know what to say to that pain. NOTHING will make it go away or feel any less painful. If that's you, I honor your pain and sit with you in it.

When the parent/child relationship begins, expectations pile up. So does the advice. The BEST advice that I received when I was pregnant with my firstborn was to do with labor. My midwife wanted me to make a “Birth Plan” – basically a dot point list of how I wanted things to go. To take drugs, or not to take drugs; water birth or hospital-bed birth… all of it. Make a plan. Write it down. Get it done.

Then someone recommended that rather than coming up with a rigid plan, I should read different real life experiences. Get a feel for ALL the different things that COULD happen. Labour is largely unpredictable, and to be ready for anything is the best plan you can have. The end result of this advice and its core idea was that I planned my resolve and frame of mind going into childbirth rather than the actual events of it. Because, after all, you can’t really make a birth happen a certain way. Or a life for that matter.

Of course, plans are made, standards are set. But children are unpredictable; life is unpredictable. Rather than getting fixated on the events I think SHOULD happen, I try to keep my heart open to my kids no matter WHAT happens. It’s my love, care, correction, guidance and voice that needs to be constant in their lives.

Thought 2: I worry about bad things happening to my kids. I pray over them. I set boundaries and take precautions. But I know that I can't be certain that they won’t face pain and hurt. In fact, pain and hurt are a certainty. Rather than worrying and bubble wrapping them from it, I’m working on keeping communication and connection open with them. For most of us, it's not the actual event of hurt that cripples us, it’s the shame and ache of it afterward that keeps us silent and still, and won’t allow us to move into healing and wholeness. If my kids know that they can talk to me about anything, then I know that we can get through anything. That means we initiate “hard conversation” talk, and we’re open to whatever words they say.

Thought 3: I say sorry to my kids when I stuff up. I talk to them about my tears. I let them question at the dinner table. And I’m more concerned about their kindness than their language. Being vulnerable with them (appropriately) is our best foot forward. Just as much as I am their parent, and I'm teaching them what I can before they venture out on their own, they teach me more than I ever imagined possible. Listen to them. Learn from them. Let the relationship be two-way. Kids are people, too.

The moment my firstborn was released from my body, I felt both inexplicable love and complete and utter terror. Those emotions have been constant ever since. Parenting is the riskiest thing that I’ve ever done. I've never had to trust like this before. And I’m ‘all in' for the rest of my life.

“Learn this well: Unless you dramatically change your way of thinking and become teachable, and learn about heaven’s kingdom realm with the wide-eyed wonder of a child, you will never be able to enter in.” Matthew 18:3-4 (TPT)

Over to you… We'd LOVE to hear your thoughts on kids and parenting… Leave us your comments below.

Go to Part 5 – Me and My House »

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