The angel of God said, “What’s this? You ask for my name? You wouldn’t understand — it’s sheer wonder.” Judges 13:18 (MSG)
Heart and Soul – The Wonder and Grace Series – Part 2
Go to PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7
Manoah and his wife were just an ordinary couple, from an underwhelming town, facing challenging and heartbreaking circumstances… they could have been any one of us. Until an angel visited them and told them that their dreams were about to come true.
Monoah’s wife described her encounter with God as terror laced with glory. I think that almost sums up the experience of being awake and alive in the world.
I remember giving birth to my first child; not knowing what to expect, having him struggle and push his way violently out of my body, delivering a brand new life into the world. As he was released from my body and placed on my chest and I held him for the first time, a powerful and ferocious love rose within me. It was a wonder-filled moment.
Then another emotion arose and has been present with me ever since: complete and utter terror.
I think one of the riskiest things for your heart is both to want and to have a child. For those of you, and I know there are many (I was one myself for a couple of years), who are facing infertility, you already know this truth and the heartache around it. We stand with you in your pain.
The terror of not being able to completely control what happens to my children is always with me. I have no idea what’s in store for my kids, or what they will face throughout their lives. There are no guarantees, no certainties. But I’m “in” – involved, engaged, enraptured, entwined – heart and soul, until the day I die. Partly, it's some of this terror that makes the love that exists between my children and I so glorious.
Love is terrifying and glorious.
A few nights ago, I spent the most heartbreakingly beautiful thirty minutes with my daughter. For some reason, the “finiteness of life” penny dropped for her, and that night, as she went off to sleep, she cried over the eventual deaths of everyone she loves, and I cried with her and hugged her tight. She said again and again, “I don’t want you to die mummy…” It was holy and sacred. We talked about how we have this one beautiful life, and we have to fill it up with as much love and kindness and compassion and hope and togetherness as we can.
These emotions are definitely NOT exclusive to motherhood. We all give birth to things throughout our lives: relationships, careers, dreams, hopes, desires… receiving the promise is not the end game. Living with it is the greatest challenge we will ever face.
I think that's why so many of us are afraid to step into and live out the desires of our hearts; move forward with our passions and talents, our hopes and dreams; lift up our voices in both protest and encouragement. Dreaming is easy. Living into our dreams is challenging. Once that thing is birthed, you have to nurture it. You’re in it. Heart and soul.
Meeting God is not the greatest thing that will ever happen to you. People bump into him all the time without even knowing. Learning to stay awake and aware and alive to him moment by moment, day by day is life's great challenge. To keep that “sheer wonder” alive.
Be brave and explore the true nature of wonder. It doesn’t exclude the bad, the terrifying, and the horrific. It doesn’t ignore the terrible things that happen and the challenges we face. It draws them close and compels us to look deeply into it and see the Divine threaded through it all.
Go to Part 3 – The Name of God »
Written by Lizzy Milani
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