But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. “Pay back what you owe me!” he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, “Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.” But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. Matt 18:28-30. (NIV)
Gratitude Attitude – Parables Series 3 – Part 4
Go to PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3
(OR go to Parable Series 1 or Parable Series 2)
The man who had been forgiven much could not even bring himself to forgive little. He was owed 100 silver coins by one of his friends, about $4000, and demanded that he be paid back.
What strikes me about this story is not only that the unjust servant would not forgive his friend, but also the violence and aggression he displayed towards him. This guy was forgiven a 2.5 billion dollar debt, and he couldn't give someone who owed him $4000 the same grace. He forcefully grabbed him by the neck, pushed him up against a wall… the heat of anger and violence drew sweat from his brow and overflowed the spittle in his mouth which jumped out across the thick, aggressive space and onto the man in debt just $4000.
There’s a huge issue in our culture around entitlement. There are two kinds: the good kind that encourages you to respect yourself, keep yourself safe, allow yourself to be protected, and to reach out and help others. We are all entitled to love and belonging. But then there’s this other kind of entitlement which warps self-respect into a twisted arrogance. On the one hand, it will accept the charity of others, while with the other hand, withhold that same charity, keeping things all to themselves.
There is one key ingredient we can add to our lives to keep entitlement from turning dark and rank:
Gratitude.
Had the Unjust Servant allowed himself to experience the king's act of mercy fully, it would have led to gratitude. The work of mercy doesn’t end when it's received. For it to be experienced fully, gratitude must be the response of the recipient. Otherwise, the work is only half done. Repentance is key to our relationship with the Divine, not because he needs it, but because we do. It’s the act of owning what we have done and taking on board the gift of grace extended to us. Gratitude draws mercy deep into our souls and changes our perspective. If we don't respond to mercy with deep gratitude, we become disconnected from it. When faced with a situation where we COULD extend mercy to others, we can't see past what is owed us because we've lost sight of the extravagant gift we have received.
This disconnect breeds aggression, violence, and rage. These things are a giveaway that a person's response to mercy has been shame, rather than gratitude. Shame that they couldn’t repay their debt. Shame that they needed forgiveness and mercy. Shame that they appeared weak and vulnerable.
When the king heard what his forgiven servant had done to another who was in debt, “he handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
The prison of shame is sheer torture. Self righteous entitlement is a sinister and dangerous enemy to our souls, it will hold us captive, treat mercy like it means nothing, and keep gratitude far from our hearts.
But when we embrace the mercy given us, and with gratitude draw it deep into the essence of our being, it changes the way we see others, and the world.
You will not be able to unleash yourself from your debts and be changed by grace, mercy and forgiveness unless these very experiences become a part of you, not just in your receiving, but in your giving.
The injustice of the Unjust Servant began not when he took his friend by the throat, but when he took the king's gift and threw it away.
Don’t throw it away.
Go to Part 5 – Mustard Seed
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