Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. Ps 51:2 (NLT)
David Had Given In
King David was a man who had a heart after God. He was a brilliant composer and writer. He was courageous and skilled in war, strategic thinking and kingdom building. Yet, he was also a man who knew rejection, who had been an outcast, hunted. A tormented and complicated man. A man who killed to acquire what was not his.
He’s a man we can relate to. We may not have committed murder or adultery, but we all know the tension of sin, guilt and shame. Just as he did.
Have you even been entangled in something you know isn’t right, only to be caught red-handed? Caught out in a lie or action… you've been found out? How do you react in that moment of realisation and confrontation? For me, an endless stream of sorry's and guilt spill out and go all over the place. It’s not pretty.
David found himself in this place, and Psalm 51 is his outpouring of emotion after Nathan confronted him about his affair with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah. David fell in a heap of sorry's and shame. Promising to do better and hoping for grace.
David had given in to his impulses at the expense of others. He had made some bad choices and had done some horrible things that had deeply hurt and impacted those around him, perhaps even the whole Kingdom. Nathan, the prophet, heard from God and had discovered what David had been up to and confronted him. In conversations around this with my friends and peers, some have felt disappointed that David didn’t confess prior to Nathan’s word of knowledge. David had done everything he could to hide his actions. He lied to keep them secret. He pretended that nothing had happened. He endeavoured to minimise his personal consequences. But David had exhausted every avenue and Nathan’s confrontation broke him. He took the accusation, confessed and repented. At that moment, he owned his sins, and God owned his redemption.
Sometimes getting caught is like being thrown a lifeline. It's like flailing around in stormy seas, drowning in the circumstances we have gotten ourselves into. Too afraid to call for help in case someone sees the mess we’re in and that we can’t swim in such waters. Shame causes us to hide, cover up, and pretend.
It ultimately gets us even more entangled and messed up. But then, sometimes, hopefully, someone calls us on our bad choices, they see us as we are, in the muck and mess, fighting for our lives, drowning in the panic. They throw us a rope and pull us to safety. A place where we can face our actions rather than be drowned by them, where we can have honest, empathetic and hard conversations that lead us down the road to restoration and healing.
I think we’ve all been there. Perhaps on both sides of the rope.
And God in all his mercy, grace and compassion will never turn away a repentant heart. A heart that shows up and says, “this is who I am, and this is what I've done.” He has the capacity and energy to make all things new and to wash us as white as snow.
This Psalm is a heart wrenching and beautiful portrait of a sin torn soul on its way back to restoration. A soul that, yes, messed up. Big time. But on that was also brave enough, in the end, to face it. Don’t let your bad choices and the fallout of them keep you from God. He will walk with you through the consequences and give you grace to overcome.
If you’re in the middle of a mess today, don’t hide, don’t flee… own up to it. Don't be its prisoner any longer. Let your confession open up the way to healing for your life and others.
After all, God's pleasure is not found in perfection, but in the honest, real and human moments of our lives where we come boldly before him knowing that nothing can separate us from his love.
“The fountain of your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before you. You will not despise my tenderness as I humbly bow down at your feet!” Ps 51:17 (PT).
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