Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven. Matthew 5:15-16 (MSG)
The Couch and an Open House – The Home Series – Part 3
Go to PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7
When we first got married (twelve years ago), we bought a black leather couch. We loved it so much we bought a matching two seater. They were so comfortable you could sleep the whole night on them (Jesse often did). And we thought they looked good too. They were new and clean and pretty great.
Then we got a cat. Ellie. She was black too, and the craziest little ball of fur we’d ever met. She was house trained and did pretty well by cat standards. Then, we moved. And all that went out the window. One day I came home from work, walked into the lounge room and noticed a strange, acid smell. It didn’t take me long to realise that Ellie had peed on every square inch of our black leather lounges. All day long.
It wreaked.
I decided to clean it myself. But I was overzealous with the cleaning product and ended up melting the stitching along the back of the seats in the lounge, pulling the leather away and revealing the stuffing underneath.
It was embarrassing. But we couldn’t afford to replace them, so we lived with the stink until it eventually went away, leaving us with what was left of our once lovely lounges.
But that's life, right? We can close the door to our hearts and lives, which might keep them cleaner. It might keep them looking shiny and new, free from wear and tear. Unused. Pristine.
And lonely. Separate. Uninvolved. Missing out on the beauty that only comes with the mess of living.
In his ‘Sermon on the Mount', Jesus said, “Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” (Matt 5:15-16).
Generosity has got nothing to do with abundance and everything to do with openness. Does your life show signs of wear and tear? Are you not the greatest curator of memories and moments? Do you not always say the right things or paint the perfect family picture? You are in good company my friend, the world over. I started to realise that the people who judged me for my old couch, my little house, my non-designer eye and style; the ones that didn’t want to talk about the deep stuff, sit with my imperfections and let me sit with theirs, were not friends at all.
Who has a spotless life? We can play house and tea parties and perfection all we want. But deep down, we all hunger for that vulnerability and generosity that throws the doors of our lives open, shows the cracks and the dirt and the redemption and the grace, and says, “gosh, have you seen the dirt on my floor?” and hear the response “Mine too!” Then, together, you clean it up.
As for my old black couch? We’re parting ways this weekend, and I’m a little sentimental about it. I’ve grown proud of her leather covered in stains and worn thin by the life that has happened in my home. It shows the nights spent watching movies, talking over candlelight, cuddling my kids to sleep; it’s caught my tears, heard my laughter and that of my friends; It’s cradled my sick kids, supported me while I’ve worked late into the night… It’s hosted a realm of love and empathy for my friends and family, and every time I look at it, that's what I see.
We all have a couch that looks like that, and, to be honest, our hearts look a little like it too. And if they don’t? Maybe we should open our ‘doors' more often. We’ve been given this one vapour-length life. The goal is not to be squeaky clean by the end of it. God's looking for open hearts, not perfection; doors wide open kind of lives. Aware and awake to his presence. Hearts that are vulnerable and trust and take risks of faith. It's this kind of life that best emanates the love of God.
Over to you. Leave us a comment below.
Go to Part 4 – Where The Heart Is »
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Oh Lizzy good write. I’ve been meaning to send an email but life is hard. Jo is deeply ill with a side effect of suicidality. It’s been a good challenging two weeks of openness with people. Yesterday jo presented at the hospital safely with a management plan. Whilst there a friend sent a text “what’s the deal? Are you stopping jo from dying”? Why doesn’t she just do it”. Instead of ignoring the texts I entered into a psycho exchange that didn’t attack but tried to educate, “no I haven’t stopped jo from dying, the spirit of truth in jo led her to tell the acute care team her thoughts ,& they told her to go to hosp. Here are the facts of Bi polar illness blah blah blah” all the while I was sitting Beside jo in the hospital & this person knew this!” I felt shattered afterwards. And the sad thing was that the hospital admission had been smooth and in three hours jo was tucked in to the right ward as a voluntary patient, unharmed but still ill. On the way home I debriefed with a generous friend who told .e that there’s a movement amongst doctors to start describing suicide not as the final act but in terms similar to other illnesses: “she had cancer & died of pneumonia,” “she had bipolar and died of depression”. I’m so tired of being open and vulnerable and allowing myself to be hurt by people’s fears. I need more resilience but when things go like that I resort to crazy texting in my brokeness. I threw facts at that person like bullets to protect myself. But now this morning I’m tired I have to get to the shower and I can’t stop focussing on that rather than gratitude that jo carried out her management plan. I know I’m a good carer in that I’m sooo not perfect at it. But in brene Brown’s words I don’t “offer jo a sandwich” (actually I do offer extra meds!) But after six years I’ve learned to just sit in the space with her. And I’m really angry that I can’t be happy that jo has not overdosed in the past 15 months – then 12 months past that, – then 12 months past that- then about 16 times in a four year period. She is living not perfectly but travelling God. And I get that my friends are tired of all this and want me to do something else with .y life and not have sex because I’m Christian etc. But im tired Lizzy of being willing to be vulnerable. I have no ability to hold fast sometimes. So thank you for the story of the couch and crazy terry. And look I blah blahed to you. Love Janetxxx