Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Philippians 2:4 (MSG)
Conflict Resolution – Relationship Series – Part 6
Go to PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8
Some ideas, thoughts and observations:
Conflict is present in all relationships. It's inescapable. It does not mean that love is not present, or that you, or the other, has failed.
Conflict exists in various forms and degrees. I have conflicts with my kids over room cleaning and vegetable eating. I have conflicts with my husband over money and time spending. Then, I have conflicts with my government over policies and legislation. I have conflicts with friends and neighbors.
There’s the kind of conflict that arises from being close with someone, and then there’s conflict that stems from not knowing someone enough and misunderstanding their intentions and actions. Then, on a larger scale, conflict becomes battles, oppositions, wars, struggles, violence…
The challenge with conflict (I am no expert) is to figure out whether to lean into it, ignore it, or engage it.
Lean into it: Conflict between friends and loved ones should always be leaned into. Embrace it, don’t ignore it. Not in an “I’m going to embrace conflicting with you.” But in an, “I’m not going to let this momentary conflict ruin the love that we have.”
In fact, well walked through conflicts strengthen relationships.
A few days ago, someone asked me why I wanted to walk back into a relationship and situation that seemed hard and painful. “Wouldn’t you want to start fresh somewhere else?” they said. And yes, there are times and seasons for fresh starts.
But the older I get and the more I experience, I’m beginning to believe that fresh starts can happen right in the middle of old messes. This relationship I am seeking to repair is one I value and love. I replied to this person's question with: “Why wouldn’t I want to do the hard work? I believe it's worth it.”
(In the interest of full disclosure, I am not always, at all, that willing to do hard things… but I am trying).
Don’t run from disagreements or differences or friendship heartaches or challenges in your relationships. If you and your partner are having a fight over something, don’t flee from the conflict, love and talk and grace your way through it.
If a friend has been hurt by something you’ve done or vice-versa, don’t hide from what’s happened – love and talk and grace your way through it. The same with your kids, parents, work colleagues, teachers, brothers, sisters, pastors, leaders, barista (never fight with your barista… haha!) and more.
Conflict is part of the journey. Commit yourself to the work.
Ignore it: People on social media who are trying to rile you up, the neighbor who’s trying to pick a fight with you over nothing, the local bully, the colleague at work who is jealous of you, a fight that has all the gossip mills churning but is none of your business – some conflicts are better off left alone, and should be.
Don’t give in to the drama. It’s like chocolate. Delicious while you’re eating it, but capable of making you sick in the end. It takes an intuitive and observant heart to recognize which conflicts should remain untouched.
Engage it: Justice, equality, speaking truth to power, protesting government policy, standing up for the vulnerable and being a voice for those who have none… these places of “conflict,” and more, should be engaged.
If you’re going to raise your voice, do it for something other than your ego (ouch); raise it for something that helps others.
Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor, author, and activist, once said: “I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation.” He also said: “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest… The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.”
Engaging conflict is simply the choice not to be indifferent to the suffering in people's lives near and far. Engage that conflict with all the love and courage you have.
Phil 2:3-4 says, “Do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.“
Your turn. What's your take on conflict? Leave us your comments below.
Go to Part 7 – Please Please »
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